Lets Talk About Toxic Masculinity
* This post was originally posted on April 3rd, 2018 *
Around the tail-end of 2017, I was seeing a buzz word being thrown around in conversations – “Toxic Masculinity”. It’s a term that aptly describes something I have always had trouble with. I’ve never been a big follower of ‘Lad Culture” or been what society old class as a ‘Manly Man”. I’ve always been emotional – and to a degree i have always been very counter culture. So I think its time we talked about Toxic Masculinity, and how I am going to teach my children how to deal with it.
Okay so first off – what is Toxic Masculinity?
Toxic Masculinity is a social science that describes the repressive ideas about the male gender role. Exaggerated Masculine traits such as being violent, unemotional, and sexually aggressive.
Basically its the idea that men who aren’t violent and are emotional – are not considered “Real Men”.
Here are some examples;
When a man is interacting with a woman – it has to be competitive and not cooperative. Or they are purely only talking to the woman for sex.
The only emotion a man should show is Anger. Any other emotion is a weakness. And they should definitely not talk about any other emotions.
Violence is the answer to everything.
Men can never be a single parent. And they shouldn’t have an active role in the learning and development of their children.
How does it affect our children?
Well i am sure it doesn’t take much to realise how this can affect the growth and development of a young kid. Its important to set a precedent to both young boys and young girls – that it is absolutely not okay to force a gender stereotype onto one another. It is important for young girls to know that toxic masculinity is an issue, and it is just as important to teach young boys how to deal with it and how to make up their own minds on what they consider right or wrong.
How I am going to raise my son to combat Toxic Masculinity?
Firstly, as you may know if you have read my blog – i am a huge believer in starting the conversation about mental health. Whether it be with grown men, or my toddler – it is always important to discuss how you feel and how those feelings are affecting you. I believe this is the biggest part to combatting Toxic Masculinity. Being able to discuss with your peers, family and friends when something doesn’t sit right with you – is incredibly important. Open and honest discussions are the key to my household.
Secondly, when I take Rory into a toy shop – he is not going to just visit the pre-determined boys section. Why would I stop him from playing with a doll or from dressing up in a tiara? Having a doll is going to teach him lots about when he gets his little sibling come September. And the Tiara? Well Rory looks fabulous in a tiara – so why would I stop the world from seeing that?! I was a child of the 90s – my childhood consisted of crazy toys from TV Shows, Action Men and WWF Figures. All predominantly “Boy” toys – but would I stop my little girl from playing with these toys? Absolutely not – because they were fun as heck to play with, so I would definitely not stop my girl from playing with fun toys just because they are for “boys”. Let’s your children play with whatever the heck they want to! Our job is to make sure they are happy.
Thirdly, I will teach my child to use their words to solve disputes and disagreements. I have never punched anyone in my life, albeit I have been punched in the face many times. But I am a believer in violence being the very last resort. This is something you have to teach by example. If you and your child get into a dispute, talk it out. Discuss the points. Come to a logical conclusion with both of you seeing the others point of view. That is an invaluable lesson to teach your child.
Finally, and probably most importantly – I will be a very active role in the development and education of my children. I will teach teach them right from wrong, how to take other peoples opinions on board, and i will let them grow organically as human beings while offering the best advice I can.
In conclusion, Toxic Masculinity can be brought down by the next generation. Teach your children that its okay to talk about emotions. Teach your children that being a “manly man” isn’t who can punch the hardest and who an sleep with the most women. Its about being the best possible human being you can.